THE GREATEST LOVE OF ALL ( SELSF LOVE)

It took me a long while to become the person I am now. If I were to describe myself in the past, I would probably say I am a person who longs to be loved for who I am, or else I wouldn’t be happy. I needed to have family and friends with me at all times, for all stages of my life, for me to be happy. In my opinion then, I had a lot of reason to become sad, and to turn out bad in later life.

I lost my mom at a very tender age. I was under the care of mostly, my grandmother and granddad, and in part, by my uncles and aunts. I lived in fear of people leaving me on my own, without family, so I would break my back bending for the people who care about me, so they won’t ever leave me. My family revolved around my elders, and my playmates were my cousins. Though there were a lot of fond memories to remember, in the end, my family did somehow fail me with their shortcomings, even rejecting me when I did my own share of errors. And I had to please them all over again, working hard for their approval and validation, which, for me, had become my definition of love.

But looking at my life again, I realized I did have an inkling of how true love really works. My grandfather never failed me. He loved me unconditionally.
My happiness, during the early part of my life, depended on whether or not I was successful in retaining my family’s favour towards me. Why? I was afraid of becoming rejected and abandoned again, and I looked forward to my family’s admiration of my achievements, their affirmation, their happiness, and therefore, their love. I cannot fail. It would cost me their love, and lead me to the despair of loneliness. Loneliness was never a good friend of mine. I had to make sure my family always thought of me in a good light. I mean, if not my family, then who else will think highly of me? Same goes with my friends and the rest of society.


I was awoken from this spiralling despair, when someone recently showed me unconditional acceptance despite my shortcomings. He made me realize I couldn’t manipulate people, just so they can give me the approval and love that I lack so much. He said I couldn’t depend on people to make me feel loved and happy all the time. On the contrary, people can make you feel sad, bad, or even barking mad! People can cause you pain, as much as they bring joy to you. Just because they’re changing all the time, like humans are supposed to! In fact, the only person who can guarantee your happiness is YOU! You have power over yourself!

And what a revelation this is! It opens up all new horizons, a new kind of understanding! Why let my circumstances and society dictate the state of my well-being? Happiness is my own business, and no one else’s! From that point onwards, I made a pact with myself: that is, to cultivate a culture of finding happiness within myself, every single day of my life. For one, I feel most happy when I’m myself, because there’s no one in this world who is exactly quite like me! I am ever so grateful to be alive, to experience life, nature, friendship, my kids and love! When you know that happiness is a personal decision, you also realize that you really can’t do anything about the people who fail you. You just continue to love them, whether they return that love to you or not. You are accountable for your own actions, yet what a difference every action makes! The love you now demonstrate is that of the unconditional kind.

What is the greatest love of all? It is learning to love yourself for who you are, enough that you would wish that same happiness and peace on others, and you work hard in order to show others what real love in this world can be like.

LOVE YOURSELF, DECIDE ON YOUR HAPPINESS.