EMPATHY

Put Yourselves In Others Shoes.

 

Today, we will be tackling an important concept and key ingredient of successful relationships. Whether we are talking of friendship, kin, or romantic relationships, EMPATHY is such an important word that will help maintain the health of your personal relationships. Empathy simply means trying to put oneself in the shoes of the other person in your life whom you consider significant. In layman’s terms, empathy means always considering the needs of others before your own needs, in an effort to understand them at the present moment. What the other person thinks and feels at present translates to the needs that he cannot communicate, and you have to tune in to the other person so as to understand the place he is coming from.

I didn’t understand empathy as deeply when I was younger. I only had a feel for it during my crazy days way back in college. Of course, life has a way of making you understand things that you need, and through the years, life handed me experiences which led me to become less concerned of my own welfare, and more concerned for other people’s well-being. This comes with a certain sense of maturity.


For example, in arguments, when I was younger, I was naturally defensive in stance. I always stuck fiercely to my guns, to my story, to the point where I became inflexible and irrational. Needless to say, arguments handled like these were never resolved, with guilt, remorse, anger, and frustration adding to the mix. It was like continually hurting each other in battle, when a mere hearing-out of each other’s sides could have solved the problem.

When I learned of empathy, I gradually changed focus during arguments. I always ask myself, “What is this other person really in need of that he or she cannot communicate properly except through seemingly ruthless words and deeds?” Where is this person coming from?  The empathic person is ready to let go of his or her convictions once he actively listened to the other, because his or her version of truth may be right. When both parties of an argument try to empathize with each other this way, then both persons’ needs gradually become addressed and fulfilled. Peace results; the conflict ends. Both persons end up happy with how they handled the argument, and may even become friends.

See what empathy can do for relationships? It makes every relationship other-centered, and not self-centered.

This article goes without saying that empathizing is not always easy. Sometimes we forget. Sometimes we go back to our old ways of arguing, always in defense of ourselves. We become walls, not bridges. Let us guard ourselves against this seemingly gratifying tendency. Here are some ways of doing so:

1.      Always practice empathy even during stable periods. Do not only practice empathy when crisis arises, for you haven’t practiced well enough not to revert to your old ways. Practice with people that you meet daily in your life, so that when crisis comes, you’ll be ready.

2.      Communicate empathy with people you deal with. Do so through non-verbal cues. When conversing or arguing, try to lean forward toward your mate while listening. Keep an open posture (don’t cross your arms!). Maintain eye contact and good rapport. Make sure your face conveys that you are, indeed, listening to your mate. These non-verbal cues will lead your mate to follow your lead.

3.      Always bear in mind as your mate speaks that as long as he or she is not yet calm about a raging topic, raging emotions and thoughts are the ones doing the talking, not your mate. Listen to what your mate is not saying. What does he or she really need? Don’t react personally to your mate’s rudeness; sift through information and find out where your mate is coming from.

All these tips will help maintain or save relationships. It makes you more compassionate and considerate as well. So have a makeover of your relationships and practice empathy now!





 THANKS FOR READING ...XOXO STEPHY.