THE THIN LINE BETWEEN HOLDING ON AND LETTING GO

Domestic Violence


I have noticed that I can care for people and go all the way, but at the same time I tend to give up on people pretty easily. Especially when they treat me the way I would not treat them… very ironic! I do understand that there is a certain amount of vulnerability needed to connect with people, but pushing back against it is my defence against hurt. So I constantly find myself two- stepping to this dance of holding on and letting go.

                                                                           One of  the most difficult places to be in life is making a decision between holding on and letting go and it is the tug of war between them that leads to suffering. Thanks to Nigerian Blogs, I have a little insight about Tuface’s and Annie’s love story. Complicated for sure , but I find it interesting. I think her resilience is somewhat courageous but on the other hand, I cannot wrap my head around holding on to something that hurts so much. Which brings me to the question when exactly does one draw the line between holding on and letting go, to have a little more faith or give up? Another classic example is the plot of THE GREAT GATSBY. When love is involved, the distinction becomes somewhat blurry. It becomes very easy to have faith… but, what if letting them go is all the deliverance you need.

WHAT IS YOUR DEFINATION OF SUCCESS.

Money, Peace or Family! How Do You Define Your Success?

Recently, I was asked a question that had my tongue tied in knots. The question was simple, but as it demanded a straight forward answer, I realised it was not as simple as it sounds.
“What is your definition of success?”

                                        Not the world’s definition. Not the dictionary’s. Not my friend’s. Not my parents’. Not society’s. MY OWN definition of success.Sure, I had thought about success in terms of money making. If you’re rich, surely you must be successful. The question would then be: how rich is successful?

Ten million Frs CFA in your account? Hundred million? One billion?
There is of course family. I chipped in that success would also be about maintaining peace in your home. The question is: how can you define a peaceful family? A family where people mind their business or a family where people carry each other’s problems on their heads?

10 WAYS TO INSTANTLY BUILD SELF CONFIDENCE

Every Human Has That Confident Side. Bring Yours Out...

Self-confidence is the difference between feeling unstoppable and feeling scared out of your wits. Your perception of yourself has an enormous impact on how others perceive you. Perception is reality 

the more self-confidence you have, the more likely it is you’ll succeed.

Although many of the factors affecting self-confidence are beyond your control, there are a number of things you can consciously do to build self-confidence. By using these 10 strategies you can get the mental edge you need to reach your potential.

Build self confidence

1. Dress Sharp. Although clothes don’t make the man, they certainly affect the way he feels about himself. No one is more conscious of your physical appearance than you are. When you don’t look good, it changes the way you carry yourself and interact with other people. Use this to your advantage by taking care of your personal appearance. In most cases, significant improvements can be made by bathing and shaving frequently, wearing clean clothes, and being cognizant of the latest styles.

This doesn’t mean you need to spend a lot on clothes. One great rule to follow is “spend twice as much, buy half as much”. Rather than buying a bunch of cheap clothes, buy half as many select, high quality items. In long run this decreases spending because expensive clothes wear out less easily and stay in style longer than cheap clothes. Buying less also helps reduce the clutter in your closet.

FOR MEN: HOW TO MAKE YOUR WOMAN BEG YOU FOR REGULAR SEX

Guys This Is How To Make Your Woman Horny.

In any marriage setting, one of the things that gets a man excited and makes him feel like a real man is when his wife is all over him for sex.

It makes a man feel like a real man; a champion. But when the reverse is the case, he feels unfulfilled.
In reality, most men don’t get to the point where their wives practically and eagerly want to have sex with them. Rather, it is always the opposite; having to plead, pressurize, pamper, get moody, fight their wives for something that normally is for their mutual enjoyment. In worse cases, the resolve may be to rape her in order to have his sexual need fulfilled.
This is so because a large percentage of men have not discovered the secret of making a woman beg for sex. When a man discovers that secret, his wife, who seems uninterested in sex, will be practically seeking for opportunities to have sex with him.

This could range from cuddling him, giving him his favorite meals regularly, being ever ready to relieve his pains, taking pressures of life off him, sharing his burden and doing everything possible to keep him healthy. Really, there is no end to the sacrifices a wife can make to get her man to have sex with him. A woman will do all that for sex because her husband has discovered the secret I am about to share with you.

DOES YOUR BEST GUY FRIEND WANT SOMETHING MORE WITH YOU / OR DO YOU WANT SOMETHING MORE WITH HIM ???

Is Your Best Guy Friend Thinking of You With His Right Hand?

I’m one of those cynics who thinks it is really, really difficult for guys and girls to maintain platonic friendships. I think it works best when:

• One or both of the people is in a serious relationship. That makes the terms non-negotiable, and prevents unrealistic expectations from developing.
• All parties are friends with each other.
• There is no romantic or sexual history between you.
• One or both of you is gay.

In many cases, strong platonic friendships outlast other relationships. Suddenly you find that sexual tension has somehow sprung up in your friendship with your favorite guy. You may be psyched about it, or at least curious. You may be dreading it, if you know that you absolutely do not want to go there. The question I always ask women in these situations is: “Would you like to see his penis?” Often the answer is “Um, hmm, maybe?” Sometimes it’s “Ew!” If it’s an enthusiastic yes, then you’re off and running and you hardly need my advice.

I don’t really buy that guys put real time and effort into cultivating platonic friendships with women. They only do that with women they hope to hook up with. Most guys have platonic friendships with women whether they want them or not, and they don’t really need to go winning over new women to be best buds with. Besides, guys rely very heavily on each other for friendship; the world of male friendships has always been homo social.

I CAUGHT MY BOYFRIEND INBED WITH ANOTHER WOMAN

“I Caught Him In Bed with Another Woman!”

Dear Stephy,

I have been with my boyfriend for three years, and honestly can’t picture my life without him. Last week, though, I came home and found him in our bed, passed out with a naked woman. I had been staying at my place while my mother was in town. He knew I was coming home early that morning. That was the day we were planning on leaving to go on a 7-days getaway together.

Let me start by saying he’s not an idiot, because only an idiot or an uncaring dolt would have a girl spend the night when he knows his live-in girlfriend is coming home. He got intoxicated the night before, and I believe he is truly remorseful. But, I can’t help but wonder…why? Drunkenness is no excuse. He can’t remember the evening, so I made him call the woman to find out what happened. (Some back story: he met her at the gym and says she told him she was interested in him and he told her about me. He says they talked briefly every few nights over the phone.) He refused to call her in front of me, and called her when I wasn’t around to find out what happened. He told me they had sex on the sofa and in our bed without a condom, but also said he couldn’t finish, and passed out because he was so drunk. He has a drinking problem. Now, he swears he won’t touch alcohol unless I’m around, he’s moving to my house because I can’t stand to be in his, and he’s re-decorating his home.

I want to contact the woman, but I don’t want to betray his trust, because I know he wouldn’t want me to. I also know she likes him, and I probably can’t trust what she says either. I know there are three versions to every story: his version, her version, and then the truth. But, in my case…I don’t know that I’ll ever get the truth, and I want it to move on. He swears he feels nothing for her and that he’s the biggest idiot in the world. (I’m not arguing with that fact).

Where do I go from here? I want a life with him, but I don’t want to hurt myself. I love him, I want to believe him, but I’m scared. — SUZY

STRESS AT WORK

Tips to Reduce and Manage Job and Workplace Stress

While some workplace stress is normal, excessive stress can interfere with your productivity and impact your physical and emotional health. And your ability to deal with it can mean the difference between success or failure. You can’t control everything in your work environment, but that doesn’t mean you’re powerless—even when you’re stuck in a difficult situation. Finding ways to manage workplace stress isn’t about making huge changes or rethinking career ambitions, but rather about focusing on the one thing that’s always within your control: you.

Coping with work stress in today’s uncertain climate

For workers everywhere, the troubled economy may feel like an emotional roller coaster. "Layoffs" and "budget cuts" have become bywords in the workplace, and the result is increased fear, uncertainty, and higher levels of stress. Since job and workplace stress increase in times of economic crisis, it’s important to learn new and better ways of coping with the pressure.

Your emotions are contagious, and stress has an impact on the quality of your interactions with others. The better you are at managing your own stress, the more you'll positively affect those around you, and the less other people's stress will negatively affect you.

HOW TO MAKE SURE YOU DON`T FALL FOR A PLAYER

 Here are my rules for qualifying a man for your attention and affection

 (Don`t get me wrong ohh guys hahaha,I know all men are not players.This is for those who are lol)

1. Understand that he is in it for the sex.

All men are in it for the sex. The question is, are they open to the idea of being in a committed relationship? Men may not even know this themselves at first. Until you reach the point where you have established compatibility and real affection, you most operate under the assumption that he is not seeking anything more than sex.

2. Ignore what he says.

Men say a lot of things to flatter women. Players are obviously better at this than everyone else.

He’s really into it? Doubt it.

He is thinking about you all the time? Mmm-hmmm.

He would never do anything to hurt you? Never means in the next hour or so.

I’m not hooking up with anyone else right now. Literally, right now. Last night? Different story.

He is in sales mode. He wants P in V. Very few men are looking at you wondering if you would be a good mother. Obviously, if he says any of the following things and you get involved with him, you are beyond my help:

I don’t see what the big deal is about sex. Sex feels great, so why shouldn’t we just enjoy it?

I would be a terrible boyfriend.

I’m young, I want to have fun.

Call me if you want to hang out sometime.

etc.

HOW TO DETECT GOLD DIGGERS

How To Tell If A Girl Likes You For You Or Just Your Money

(ladies please don`t be offended i just have to put this out there...I have brothers and sons ohhh hahahaha)

It is of the utmost importance that you figure out how to tell if a girl likes you for you… or just your money. Honestly, it isn’t that difficult if you open your eyes and pay attention. Now, if you’re paid like the Donald Trumps of the world, you can afford to have a string of gold diggers that really like you for your “personality.” If, however, you’re making 2000 FRS a day doing customer service, a gold digger won’t have too far to dig before she breaks your back LOL. To avoid cancer of the wallet and the death of your pockets, here’s how to tell if a chick is feeling you or reaching for your bread.

Her conduct.

When a girl likes you, she’s more wrapped up in seeing you, not where she’ll see you. Get it? If she’s constantly asking you “Where are you taking me?” she probably isn’t into you. She’s into what you can do for her. If, however, she wants to know when you’re spending time together, not necessarily where, then she likes you. Now, this doesn’t mean you should be a cheap-ass all of the time, but watch her conduct when you are. She should be just as happy at a sandwich shop as she would at a five star restaurant… as long as she’s with you.

FIXING RELATIONSHIP PROBLEMS WITH HUMOUR

Using Laughter and Play to Build and Maintain Successful Relationships

We've all heard that laughter is the best medicine, and it's true. Laughter relieves tension and stress,elevates mood, enhances creativity, and boosts energy. Laughter also plays an essential role in building strong, healthy relationships by bringing people closer together, creating intimacy, and resolving conflict and disagreements. Whether you’re dating or in a long-term relationship, you can learn to use humor and play to strengthen the bond between you and help you fix relationship problems.

The power of humor and laughter

Humor plays an important role in relationships from initial attraction to long-term commitment. In new relationships, humor can be an effective tool not just for attracting the other person but also for overcoming any awkwardness or embarrassment that arises during dating and the process of getting to know one another. In longer-term relationships, humor can keep things exciting, fresh, and vibrant. It can also help you overcome conflicts, disagreements, and the tiny aggravations than can build up over time and wreck even the strongest of relationships.

Sharing the pleasure of humor creates a sense of intimacy and connection between two people—qualities that define solid, successful relationships. When you laugh with one another, you create a positive bond between you. This bond acts as a strong buffer against stress, disagreements, disappointments, and bad patches in a relationship. And laughter really is contagious—just hearing someone laugh primes you to smile and join in on the fun. But don’t worry if you’re not naturally a lighthearted, humorous person—you can learn to access your playful side and develop your sense of fun.

ENJOY YOUR YOUTH

Having A fun Filled Youth


Many people in their prime would probably give you this advice. “Enjoy your youth.” This lesson may have been learned through their own life experiences. Its true that only when you’ve lost something, that is the only time you will see just how precious it was. In this case, time is something that you cannot get back. There is no rewind button nor a reset button for life. Every precious moment and opportunity is gone forever. And if you miss it then it will be something that you may regret for as long as you live. That is why it is wise to enjoy every waking moment while you can.

Live to The Fullest

I am not telling you to spend all your time partying…although it is a tempting thought. Living your life to the fullest means you do not waste any time. You plan your day well and prioritize doing things that matter most. Do not bury yourself in too much work. Yes you need to save money for the future, but remember that you are young now. You won’t be that way forever. Allow yourself to experience everything that a person your age should be experiencing. Take time out of your busy schedule to do this. Also, allot some party budget for yourself to have a little fun now and then.

TAKE YOUR SEX LIFE WITH YOUR PARTNER TO THE NEXT LEVEL

Enjoying a satisfying sex life

Key Points

• Whether the problem is big or small, there are many things you can do to get your sex life back on track.
• Communicating with your partner, maintaining a healthy lifestyle, availing yourself of some of the many excellent self-help materials on the market, and just having fun can help you weather tough times.

Sex. The word can evoke a kaleidoscope of emotions. From love, excitement, and tenderness to longing, anxiety, and disappointment—the reactions are as varied as sexual experiences themselves. What's more, many people will encounter all these emotions and many others in the course of a sex life spanning several decades.

But what is sex, really?

On one level, sex is just another hormone-driven bodily function designed to perpetuate the species. Of course, that narrow view underestimates the complexity of the human sexual response. In addition to the biochemical forces at work, your experiences and expectations help shape your sexuality. Your understanding of yourself as a sexual being, your thoughts about what constitutes a satisfying sexual connection and your relationship with your partner is a key factor in your ability to develop and maintain a fulfilling sex life.

Talking to your partner

Many couples find it difficult to talk about sex even under the best of circumstances. When sexual problems occur, feelings of hurt, shame, guilt, and resentment can halt conversation altogether. Because good communication is a cornerstone of a healthy relationship, establishing a dialogue is the first step not only to a better sex life, but also to a closer emotional bond. Here are some tips for tackling this sensitive subject.

Find the right time to talk

There are two types of sexual conversations: the ones you have in the bedroom and the ones you have elsewhere. It's perfectly appropriate to tell your partner what feels good in the middle of lovemaking, but it's best to wait until you're in a more neutral setting to discuss larger issues, such as mismatched sexual desire or orgasm troubles.

GOD WILL PROVIDE.

Always Trust In God And Have Faith.

Many times I’ve worried whenever I didn’t have enough money to take me through the next few days. There are times I worried whenever I lacked energy to accomplish a certain project at work. Still deep inside I knew it was wrong to worry or fear. Whenever I realize this, I pause for a while and pray…”Lord please give me what I need” And in the silence of my heart I always seem to hear a faint voice saying “Everything will be alright.”


Lift it up

In the Bible God sad “Cast your burdens upon me, those who are heavily laden. Come to me all of you who are tired of carrying heavy loads. For the yolk I will give you is easy and my burden is light. Come to me and I will give you rest.” Whatever it is the you consider as hardships or burdens, lift them up to the Lord and believe that things will get better soon. God doesn’t want you to suffer. He is willing to make things okay, if you just remember to call to Him for help.

EMPATHY

Put Yourselves In Others Shoes.

 

Today, we will be tackling an important concept and key ingredient of successful relationships. Whether we are talking of friendship, kin, or romantic relationships, EMPATHY is such an important word that will help maintain the health of your personal relationships. Empathy simply means trying to put oneself in the shoes of the other person in your life whom you consider significant. In layman’s terms, empathy means always considering the needs of others before your own needs, in an effort to understand them at the present moment. What the other person thinks and feels at present translates to the needs that he cannot communicate, and you have to tune in to the other person so as to understand the place he is coming from.

I didn’t understand empathy as deeply when I was younger. I only had a feel for it during my crazy days way back in college. Of course, life has a way of making you understand things that you need, and through the years, life handed me experiences which led me to become less concerned of my own welfare, and more concerned for other people’s well-being. This comes with a certain sense of maturity.

WOMEN FAKE ORGASMS MORE THAN MEN.DO YOU AGREE??????

70% of women and a THIRD of men have faked an orgasm to avoid hurting their partner's feelings

• Pressure to enjoy sex was one of the main reasons
• Others became bored after an orgasm seemed unlikely  

Seven out of ten women and nearly a third of men have faked an orgasm, according to new research.

The study, carried out by the University of Kansas, found that 68 per cent of women and even 28 per cent of men have pretended to climax with a partner.

Both sexes gave the same reasons for faking it - a partner's orgasm was imminent so they felt under pressure to climax.

Other commonly cited reasons were that they wanted to end  - without hurting a partner's feelings - or they were bored after an orgasm seemed unlikely.

Aim to please: Many are faking orgasms to keep their partners happy

REASONS WHY MARRIAGES FAIL.

Top 10 Reasons Marriages Fail

1. Financial Problems
For the most part, it is the lack of open communication about money problems that jeopardizes a marriage more than the financial problems alone. Everyone has financial issues concerning bills, debts, spending and budgets. How a couple deals with those issues can make or break a relationship.

2. Communications Problems
If a couple has communication problems prior to marriage, those problems are likely to get worse after tying the knot. It is important that both partners are able to discuss every aspect of married life openly and on a regular basis. A marriage without two-way communication will not last long.

3. Family Problems
Family relationships with children, parents, in-laws, siblings and step-children are all sources of marital problems. Raising children increases stress in the home and can cause minor differences of opinion to become major rifts in a relationship. Discretion is the better part of valor when it comes to family and marriage.

4. Sex Problems
Sex is an important part of marriage and the source of many marriage problems. Every marriage requires the act of consummation by sexual intercourse. Failure to consummate a marriage or problems with sexual frequency, quality, and infidelity are all common reasons for marriage failure and divorce.

5. Friend Problems
Close personal friends of either spouse do not always make the transition to friends of the marriage. Some relationships with friends can be toxic to the marriage if they insert themselves between spouses. A good friend will enhance a married couple’s relationship. People who try to break a marriage apart are not quality friends.

HOW TO SPOT A GOOD GIRL/WOMAN-- 15 THINGS TO LOOK FOR.

They Are Still  Good women Out There ohhh.

Many of my readers lately are men who have at some point or other in their lives been deceived and dazed by a woman's looks. Many of them have wasted countless hours and spent small fortunes chasing after women who lied to them and basically treated them like dirt. Some regret the lost opportunity to the marry a woman who was not exactly physically attractive but was a good woman.

There is really no "standard" litmus test for telling right away that a woman is "a good woman" or one of those "other" ones.

Here are just a few things to look for when you meet or date a girl/woman:

1. She has an open and welcoming smile that goes beyond the surface deep inside her eyes 

 the window to her soul. Her eyes and her whole demeanor kind of "lights up" when you walk into the room or towards her.

2. She lets you be you.

 She does not want to change you - clean you up, re-make you or rename you etc. - so she can love you but accepts you just the way you are.

3. She genuinely enjoys your company 

 isn't afraid to ask for it or tell you that she enjoys being around you. Being around her feels like being around your best friend because you can truly be just yourself -- no feeling like you're always walking on egg-shells or trying too hard to please (and always coming short). The experience of being around her is "satisfying" in its own.

4. She goes out of her way to do things she thinks will make you happy. 

She's the woman who'll call you just to say "hi" or "I was thinking of you" however busy/tired she is.

5. She is independent and secure within herself.

 She does not need constant attention and does not put pressure on you to feed her self-esteem, anxiety or worries about the future.

6. She's there for you when it's up and when it's down. 

 She's happy out in an expensive restaurant just as she's happy sitting next to you on the couch, doing nothing.

GRATITUDE ( "THANK YOU" ONE OF THE SWEETEST WORDS)

Appreciation  Goes A long Way....


Gratitude or thankfulness is, in fact, a grand concept to most of us; so much more, because being grateful or thankful seem a tall order these days. What is there to be grateful about in our wretched, cruel world, when people kill each other at the slightest fault, not only thru unthinkable acts, but also thru sharp, wounding words? What is there to be thankful for, when kids die of toil or hunger instead of skipping their way to school, babies get sold like pancakes for a living when they ought to be nurtured and cared for, men and women lead lives of indecency and promiscuity, and the sick, old, and dying become eyesores to society? Where is the beautiful, the good, and the pure that we ought to be grateful about? In this day and age, all these things seem to have been thrown outside the proverbial window.

Somehow, though, despite all the crap that the world has been churning out in recent times, I still choose to cultivate my personal culture of having a grateful or thankful spirit. Gratitude or thankfulness leads one to move above and beyond limitations toward the real beauty of things. As Melody Beattie so aptly put it, “Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow.”  I choose to cultivate gratitude and thankfulness within myself, because by doing so, I invite acceptance, optimism and positivity, and most importantly, I invite hope to reside within me.

GUYS OPINION ON HAVING SEX WITH A VIRGIN

How Guys Feel About Sex With Virgins

This week, by a readers request, we posed this question: "What are your thoughts about having sex with virgins? Would you have sex with a virgin at your current age, assuming you were single? If yes, how and when would you like to be told that someone you were dating was a virgin? And how have your sexual encounters with virgins (when you weren't one yourself) differed — if at all — from sex with more experienced partners?" Below, guys answer.

 *Guy Number 1

 Whatever she wants

I've only ever lost my virginity, never taken it from someone. However, if I was dating a virgin, I'm not sure it would be all that big a deal. I'd probably treat it like everything else when it comes to sex: whatever she wants, whenever she's comfortable, and whenever she's ready. However, if she was one of those people "waiting for the right person" and still about my age, I'm terrified I'd assume she's some kind of crazy fundamentalist and break up with her — which doesn't seem fair. Some people obviously need to wait, but I do think sex is an essential part of the relationship and declaring it has to be put off (particularly between two monogamous adults) is more detrimental than helpful.

*Guy Number 2

The campsite rule

I don't think virginity is magical! I mean — I guess it is true that I wouldn't have casual sex with a virgin, but then, I don't think I'd really have casual sex, anyhow. I don't ascribe to some notion of purity or innocence coming along with virginity, but you do have to take into account emotions and history — if you have sex with a virgin, you're going to be part of their person's life story. Not necessarily, but it is likely. I know Dan Savage is controversial, but his "campsite" rule comes into play, I think — don't leave a mess behind, try to make the person better than when you first met. That being said, I guess I'd want to be told, you know, around the time that it became germane to the discussion — when the possibility of hooking up started to develop.

22 SECRETS TO DISCOVERING YOUR DREAMS AND LIVING IT.(Dedicated to my reader Cyril de West)

If You Can Think It..You Can Definitely Do It..

One of the most important rules of happiness in life is to do what you love. But discovering that dream job and what you are meant to do in life isn't always so easy.

Take a look at the happiest, most successful people on this planet: they are all doing something they love, creating something they believe in, living a life of purpose and passion. Do that, and it doesn't matter how much money you make.

But what do you do if you don't know what you want to do? If you don't know what your dream is? This is a common problem, and many people wander through much of their life without discovering their passion, and go from job to job, unfulfilled and miserable.

If that's you, don't give up. What follows is a list of suggestions that will help you discover your dream, and start on the road to living that dream. They're things that have worked for me and many others I've studied, talked to, interviewed and admired.

While you don't need to do every step below, they are all ways for your to spend time thinking about your passion in life, your dreams, and how to accomplish them. If you spend time thinking about your dreams, you are taking the first step towards making them a reality.

The first step is to give this stuff some thought.

1. What are your hobbies? This doesn't just mean stamp collecting -- it means anything you do with your spare time. That could be collecting comic books, reading about history, programming Linux utilities, writing on your blog, writing poetry, cooking, whatever. As it's clear that this is how you like to spend your time, and that you're willing to do these things without pay, it's very possible that these are your passions. Give each of your hobbies some thought, and think about whether they're things you love to do, and that you'd love to do for a living.

6 TYPES OF TOXIC FRIENDS AND HOW TO DEAL WITH THEM

Do You Have These Kinds Of Friends?????You Now Have A Solution….

There is no crystal ball to predict that a particular friend will turn out to be a reliable, positive relationship in your life or, by contrast, that a negative association will cause you emotional distress, or worse. Since destructive or negative friends are not always that easy to spot, being forewarned is forearmed, as the saying goes. Some friends may be betrayers from the start; others may turn into betrayers because of what's going on in their lives or because of changes in their personality. Sometimes you need to consider what your friend is really like within the contexts of all the behaviors. I can't emphasize enough that you need to consider the root cause.

Here below are six traits to consider that could pose a problem in friendship. (You may even recognize yourself in one or more of these types.)

1. The Promise Breaker
2. The Double-crosser
3. The Self-absorbed
4. The Discloser
5. The Competitor
6. The Fault-finder

1. The Promise Breaker
This friend constantly disappoints you or breaks promises, most likely because she herself was constantly disappointed during her formative years. Your friend is unable to stop herself from repeating that pattern. It is an annoying but comfortable pattern for your friend, and without psychological help, it may be hard for her or him to alter this pattern. You could abandon the friend and the friendship, or you could find a way to detach yourself by lowering your expectations for this friendship. If she promises to do something for you, even to meet you for a cup of coffee, you can say, "Sure," but protect yourself by knowing, in the back of your mind, that this friend "nine times out of 10" is going to cancel on you.

Although your friend may always have been this way, she may have also recently acquired this trait because of something she is going through right now. If a friend who has always been there for you, through thick and thin, has only recently become less reliable, you might want to cut her some slack. You have to decide if this is a lifelong trait that will be hard or impossible to change, a temporary condition that will be short-lived, or something, if it does continue indefinitely, that you are willing to accept and handle.

(FOR THE GALS…)MEETING WITH YOUR EX AFTER A RECENT BREAK-UP

So,You're Going to See Your Ex...

Post break-up, you're bound to get it: The dreaded invite to the party/picnic/wedding where you know your ex will be. But instead of viewing it like the sequel to Doomsday, start prepping for it like a big red carpet event —one where he's not the focus of your entire evening, just the inspiration for you not wearing a pair of unwashed jeans out of the house (again).

Splurge on a New Dress

That fab feeling when you're wearing something new that you know looks good will be well worth it for an occasion like this: It's always best to feel your best when dealing with your ex, no matter how good (or, well, not so good) the break-up was.

Bring a Wing man

 No need to dig through your contacts for a kind-of-sort-of suitable date. The ideal dude to take to a situation like this would be a guy-pal who is well-informed of the situation and knows your feelings on your ex (major bonus points if he's cute). Having an awkward first (or second) date when your mind is on your last BF isn't ideal. Don't have a guy friend who fills this role? A wing-woman can do the trick too!

Get Your Hair Done    ...And

your nails done too. Make sure you look and feel like a slightly better version of your normal self. A blow-out can leave any girl feeling like a million bucks and won't make it look like you tried too hard. Don't show up with a manicure from three weeks ago, especially if you have a habit of chomping on your nails when you get nervous. And if he never saw you wear make-up before, don't show up sporting false lashes and siren red lipstick. You don't want to look like you tried too hard. That's one for the night you run into him and another for when your date with the guy who is way, way better than he was in the first place.